Pennsylvania Department of Homeland Security? You folks out there? You dialed in?
This one’s for you…
The following is a communiqué from the Marcellus Liberation Army.
If a natural gas drilling moratorium is not declared by the powers that be in Northeastern Pennsylvania by Saturday, October 2, 2010, our ragtag band of freedom fighters will assault all known hydro-fracturing sites armed with Ping Pong ball guns, very, very large rubber bands and chocolate cream pies.
As a result of the impending guerrilla war, the MLA is currently accepting donations of pre-cooked pie shells, bulk lots of chocolate pudding mix, canned whipped cream, frozen 6% dairy mix and wet wipes.
No one found working at these aforementioned sites will be spared our fierce and unforgiving retribution, and collateral damage will certainly not be frowned upon. And if our dedicated freedom fighters are somehow beaten back by the imperial invaders, we will regroup and counterattack armed with thousands of gallons of strawberry glaze. You have been warned. This will be our last communication before the attacks commence.
The modern day MLA pie chucker refuses to die!
Signed, General Henny D.B. Boon.
Over and out
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