The Big Mac Attack tax

To listen to some hot-air filled politician babble on about how they are going to “fight” childhood obesity is akin to listening to me go on about how I plan to personally alter the Earth’s orbit. Simply put, it’s all misdirected hogwash.

Back when I was suffering through college, I took a course called “Nutrition & Menu Planning.” I also attended a seminar on natural supplements, which was more of a warning than it was an endorsement. I still have the college textbook that I refer to every now and again, as well as the literature from the seminar. During my restaurant career, I was involved in the creation of new menu items, while the caloric counts and nutritional values of menus were just beginning to be force-fed into the public’s consciousness.

My final exam for that aforementioned college course was the devising of a six-month diet for a medically-challenged elderly woman that would result in the loss of at least one pound per week, but not significantly more. I aced it. Interestingly enough, I once lost 52 pounds in 4 months, and all by my lonesome.

I’m not saying to you that I am some kind of PHD food researcher. But what I am saying is that I understand the nutritional aspects of foodstuffs far, far, far more than 99.99% of the politicos waxing poetic about how best to combat childhood obesity.

For this exercise, pick a governing body, any governing body. School board. The administration of a municipality, or it’s health department. And worst of the worst, state or federal level politicos and their pathetic minions.

As was done in NYC, when they ban trans-fats or the use of salt in menu planning, they are either prevaricating or flat-out stupid. And when a school board orders the removal of sodas from vending machines in schools, the same bit about prevarication and stupidity applies.

First the Food Police attached sin taxes to alcohol. And they tried to turn McDonald’s and fast food in general into an edible pariah to be avoided at all costs. And now, as part of the foolhardy War on Obesity, they are suggesting that pizza, soda and only Allah knows what should be taxed at higher levels than those, ahem, “safe” foodstuffs. Again, the hatred for and disregard of big business as well as small shines through the veneer.

There’s one of two things at work here. They either honestly believe that they can remake America into their skinny image (yeah, right!), or they just want to tax certain incrementally criminalized food items and behaviors at higher rates. Neither of which will transform the tubbiest kids, the “husky” kids, into kids needing the “slim” cut jeans. Ain’t happening.

As if all of America would suddenly eat less of it’s favorite food--pizza--simply because of the attached sin taxes. They’ll do without a lot of stuff thanks to Obama‘s demonstrated lack of focus, but pizza won’t be one of those things. So, in effect, by attaching sin taxes to pizza, the result would be making the lives of average Americans just that much more costly and hard.

And soda? Allow me to speculate. What, are we supposed to drink nothing but bottler water throughout the entirety of our formerly free lives? Says who? The bottled water lobbyists?
Listen to me tell it…soda is not making your kid fat. Pizza is not making your kid fat. And Big Macs are not making your kid fat. Inactivity is making your kid fat. A lack of physical activity is the key to all of this now oft-repeated harangue.

Take my example. I loathe the colder months. I absolutely hate them. Freaking annoying, they are. And every winter, my weight increases. And then, when the termites get to swarming as the Mercury rises, my weight steadily decreases. Now, why is that?

Do studies show that we tend to eat less pizza and drink less soda pop during the warmer months? Are Big Macs better in the Winter? Not at all. Exercise is the one barometer by which all other factors are correctly judged. Stay active, stay thinner. Stay on the couch, stay on the heavier and heavier side.

All of which leads me to this…after they tax the hell out of all of the foodstuffs we enjoy, and America is still considered to be obese due to inactivity, what then?

Sin taxes for flat-screen televisions? Sin taxes on home theatres? Sin taxes on Play Stations? Sin taxes attached to personal computers?

This is so much hokum, it approaches complete sophistry of thought.

As is always the case with consumers in a truly free society, they will decide what they want, when they want it, and in what quantities. And no self-serving, smart-sounding politician turned make-believe nutritionist is going to alter any of that.

If we’re fat, we’re fat. So either get used to it, or do something about it.

But as for these would-be menu planners who hold elected offices, tell them to stick to something they actually know something about, assuming that they do know anything even reasonably noteworthy.

Yeah, the country as a whole would be better off if they’d just stick to graft, nepotism, cronyism and group sex with their interns. Tell them not to tax us profligately every time we have a Big Mac Attack. Tell them to eat their fu>king Big Mac Attack tax. Tell them to stuff it.

Sez me.

Bye