Fractional divisions thereof...

Unlike the people who call talk radio and make the absurd claim that the incarcerated have it too cushy, I’ve been in very many of the prisons on the eastern side of this state, and I’m here to tell you most unequivocally…prison life is anything but cushy.

And over the years, after reading story after story after story about idiots being remanded to prison in lieu of bail after committing what I call “chump change crimes,” I’d always tell Wifey the same thing: If I’m going to risk a prison sentence, I’m going for a kill shot.

Yep, if I were to risk a lengthy stay in any prison, the possible reward would have to be worth the huge risk. No drug ring. No burglary spree. No flattening elderly women for the contents of their purse. Nah, if I were to risk my precious freedom, I’d take an armored truck or two. Or, perhaps, kidnap the heir to a family fortune too large to even fit in an armored car or two.

Maybe I’d sell missile secrets to the Russians. I dunno. All I do know is, it would have to be the kill shot or nothing.

This is fun in a sad sort of way.

Breaking News: Former W-B school board president charged with taking bribe

Jim Height, the former Wilkes-Barre Area School Board president who resigned abruptly last week, has been charged with allegedly accepting $2,000 in cash for supporting a contractor's attempt to obtain business from the Wilkes-Barre Area School District.In a plea agreement filed simultaneously with the charge, Height, 53, of Wilkes-Barre, has agreed to plead guilty, U.S. Attorney Martin C. Carlson said.

$2,000? What, was $2,000 supposed to change his entire way of life?

Jackass!!!

And remember what these people always tell us when they want to be elected to a school board: It’s for the children.

What they don’t tell us is, it’s basically to benefit their children, not ours.

Tell me this isn’t right. Please tell me that this info is incorrect.

Here goes:

What I was told is, while the Luzerne County Controller salary is a measly, a pitiful, a woefully inept $38,000 a year, the current Deputy Controller earns in excess of $58,000 a year.

Now, I’m no expert on the county code and the like. But what I do know is that the general manager of a restaurant earns far in excess of what the assistant managers might earn. And I also know that warehouse managers, shipping, and receiving managers in such facilities earn much more than do the warehouse workers, the forklift drivers or the janitors.

So how in tar nation did the salary structure of our county government get turned so completely upside down? How does a court administrator earn more than a commissioner? How does the controller end up being envious of the assistant’s salary?

Forget Home Rule. Vote no.

And let’s start a petition drive to have the Pentagon add Luzerne County to it’s list of nuclear weapons testing ranges. I’m thinking a 50-kiliton air-burst detonation over the courthouse would make for a good start.

Unbelievable.

First it was the pederast park in the bushes just south of Nesbitt Park.

Then they clamored for, they outright demanded a skateboard park. Now we’ve gone and abandoned the surreal in favor of the sublime.

Dog owners group wants canine-friendly park in W-B

Since the fall, Wilkes-Barre resident Valerie Boler has been on a mission: she wants to build a space in Wilkes-Barre where her dogs can run without a leash. She wants a dog park.

After a Leadership Wilkes-Barre project group completed a dog park in West Pittston last spring, Boler has been inspired to complete a similar project in the city of Wilkes-Barre.

Boler said the West Pittston park is a great place to take her four dogs, but she finds it is too far from her Miners Mills home to make regular visits. Boler said a dog park in the city will give people who don’t live close to West Pittston another option.

“It seems like people have really enjoyed the one in West Pittston,” Boler said. “I’ll go everywhere with the dogs, but I just can’t do it on a daily basis.”

Boler and 19 others formed the Wyoming Valley Dog Owners group to build a leash-free dog park in Wilkes-Barre without cost to taxpayers. She is serving as the president of the group.

Hey, wait a minute! We’re going to tap into our finite resources for a stupid dog park? Well, then, listen to me tell it. I got stuff I like, too. My likes, my loves, my interests are just as important as any dog owner’s may be.

I demand that the administration of this city construct a mountain bike park. And since I really enjoy lighting up small animals with my Crossman 760 air rifle, I want a BB gun park. And for the avid bird watchers, how about a bird park? Ferrets, anyone? How about a cat retreat?

A dog park?

It must be me.

I like freebies. Do you like freebies?

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End shameless plug.

Disclaimer: My son-in-law works there.

Somebody called WILK’s Sue Henry today and claimed that the Wilkes-Barre Area School District’s most recent budget topped out at $148,000,000 for the purposes of educating only 7,000 students.

Do the math. I’ll wait.

Nah, nothing bloated about any of that.

The caller also suggested that the number of students is steadily declining, and should be significantly lower just five years down the road.

The thing that piqued my interest in all of this is the rising Latino population here in Wilkes-Barre. Census data clearly indicates that the birthrate among Hispanics is noticeably higher than that of us born-and-raised Caucasians. So, with Latinos moving on in, and the frightened whites fleeing to the suburbs, how could the attendance of our city schools decline?

I don‘t get it.

We have a new business right across the intersection from here.

Yep, the heavily remodeled U.S. Gas opened on Friday, a combination gas station/store. I bopped in there on Saturday and was welcomed to the new place by an overly jovial Indian guy wearing a do-rag.

That’s a first for me.

And I’m eagerly awaiting the grand reopening of the relocating Ruth’s Place--a 24-hour homeless shelter for women--set to open directly across the street from this modest adobe any day now.

Police scanner on?

Check.

The 75,000-candlepower Streamlight flashlight is charged?

Check.

Back gate padlocked?

Check.

Everything of value chained down?

Check.

Let the games begin.

Trust me, I will happily play fly to the Ruth's Place excrement.

Later