ssǝɹddns ɹou ɹɐǝɟ ɹǝɥʇıǝu plnoʍ ʎʇǝıɔos ǝǝɹɟ ʎlnɹʇ ɐ ʇɐɥʇ ƃuıʇnɔolɯnɔɹıɔ suıɐʇuoɔ ǝʇıs sıɥʇ

Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Pepsi machines

I was wondering, how’s all of that promised hope and change going so far?

I mean to say, for those of you who invested all of your hope and dreams in Barack Oblahblah, what do you think so far?

Gitmo is still open for business, still taking reservations. Not that I mind none too much. When I was in the 6th grade, they packed us up in yellow school busses and drove us to the Bronx Zoo in New York City. And what I learned that day (other than how to summon up enough courage to kiss a girl) was that animals do belong in cages when brought out of their natural habitats.

That promise of an immediate withdrawal from Iraq never did happen. But, even as an Oblahblah supporter, you knew that was just the inane ranting of an unaccomplished pretender, didn’t you? You knew that wasn’t going to happen, right?

Oblahblah criticized the prosecution of both the war in Iraq as well as the Afghanistan effort. And then we went and applied the very same strategy (the surge) used in Iraq in Afghanistan. What’s that? When in D.C., do as the former hated president, George W. Huffandpuff did?

He’s on record as saying he would use military force against an ally, Pakistan, but he gives the kid glove treatment to rogue states such as Iran and North Korea. An ally with nuclear weapons gets the tough talk, a not-so-veiled threat, but a declared adversary, an openly hostile enemy with nuclear weapons and the missiles to deliver them gets a mild behind-the-scenes scolding from Hillary Clinton?

The biggest knock on George W. Bush was his unchecked spending and record-setting budget deficits. But Oblahblah is to spending money we do not have what mean old Bush was to offering malapropisms. The former talked funny and spent too much. The latter talks oh-so-smoothly and spends like a plastic-carrying chick at a factory outlet going-out-of-business sale.

He says America cannot and will not condone torture. Really? If he’s serious about that, then she should order the FCC to immediately disband 1,000,000 of the approximately 1,000,030 television networks. It’s the surest way to prove he means business.

As for his recent nominee to the supreme court who’s name is of yet unpronounceable, I do not believe, as many republicans do, that she is a racist. Rather, it’s blatantly obvious to me that she is simply your average American female, in that, she was born and raised on misandry. Face it, she’s a misandrist. And since white males are now generally regarded to as being the absolute worst of the species, it only makes sense that her vertiginous nature be exposed but excused for what it is--normal.

And did you really believe that a democrat-controlled federal government would be a significant improvement over a republican-dominated government? The election is long gone and it’s time to sober up, you dummies.

No matter which party is currently in power, this is how the bedraggled system now works.

Congress has become little more than 535 lying, weaseling glad handlers scouring all of Amerika in search of under-the-table bribes. The explanation of which is as follows:

They are the Pepsi machines of democracy: Insert money, press a few buttons and out pops the legislation you wanted. And the president, despite all of his important-sounding and high-minded proclamations to the opposite, presides over the rampant corruption and signs it all into law. And that’s exactly why this country is fast being reduced to a mere pittance of it’s formerly great self. That’s exactly why it’s fast becoming a third world country not yet aware of it’s rapidly dwindling status.

And if I receive any rejoinder to that argument, I will immediately fear for the overall mental health of the sender.

The election is long gone and it’s time to sober up, you dummies.

Now, you might be wondering, why the lugubrious mood today, Markie? Who pissed in your Genny Light? (Get it? Beer for breakfast?)

I dunno. It all started this morning when I was reading the Times Leader article about the upcoming ribbon-cutting ceremony for the new River Common at Wilkes-Barre. I was picturing myself in a kayak. I pictured myself surrounded by hundreds of other brightly-colored kayaks and canoes. And I was picturing the throngs of people eagerly awaiting our arrival at Nesbitt Park. The festivities. The music. The boats. The displays. The food. The U.S.S. Dude, which displaces 46,000 tons (Iowa class) and to date, has made my arms approximately two inches longer in length after carrying it to the car one too many times.

And then it dawned on me that the entire three-day RiverFest event would be kicked-off with all of the politicos lining up for their share of the credit for the culmination of this grandiose project with shiny scissors in hand. And while it is certainly my personally sent indictment of some, but not all in attendance, the word “avarice” jumped up and clamped a hold of the long-dormant family jewels. Yep, as we’re gliding on by in our gleaming kayaks, I guess we’re supposed to mouth a heartfelt “Thank you” to all of the usually stodgy, crabby and unapproachable Pepsi machines waving back at us from the newly-crafted shoreline.

It’s just that, while they give you this, they take away all of that that was so near and dear to you. Namely, the country you grew to love. While they proudly deliver a few trinkets to the lot of us, they also (expletive) up all of that by way of their bicameral stuffing of deep pockets with ill begotten cash.

They gave me a beautiful new river amenity, meanwhile, they are also busily putting the final nails in this country’s coffin. For them, there is no love of country, only the love and enrichment of oneself. They do not “serve” me. They make no sacrifices for any greater good. No, pointedly put, they serve themselves.

As far as I’m concerned, what started out as such a great experiment in representative democracy has devolved into the single most blatant racket throughout the entire and sordid history of the world. To me, the Pepsi machines, no matter their proudly-displayed political stripe, have become nothing more than fraudulence on parade.

And before I depart from this electronic haunt of mine, to anyone who may be completely offended by the preceding circumlocution, I must remind them that borderline insanity is not yet illegal.

So, I will retreat to the safety and solitude of my trusty Hummer.

Bikeabout! has been declared.


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