Faster than a speeding Volt.
More powerful than a 4G Droid.
Able to leap cafeteria lines in a single bound.
Look! Up in the ozone-depleted sky!
It's a UFO. It's a meteor. It's Cafeteria man!
I'd beg him to address the Wilkes-Barre Area School Board, but I doubt that he could carry a paper bag stuffed with cash under his cape.