Public Urination 101

“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”--Dean Wormer, Animal House

Before we go any further, I want to make it perfectly clear that I fully understand it is a crime to urinate in public. That is, to be caught urinating in public.

I was reading this Times Leader story about, Nathan Strawn, 22, a Kings College student who was, as the Leader put it, “…arrested and faces several charges after allegedly urinating on a religious Christmas display early Sunday morning.”
　
FULL STORY

Here’s an excerpt:

Nathan Strawn, 22, was arrested after “he was observed fully exposed urinating on the Nativity scene located on Public Square,” city police said in a press release.

The incident occurred at approximately 1:54 a.m., police said.

Strawn was charged with indecent exposure, desecration of venerated objects, open lewdness, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.

City police said Strawn was taken to the Luzerne County Correctional Facility and was held there for arraignment, but a prison official said there was no record of Strawn being held for any length of time at the prison.

Police identified Strawn as “a King’s student” in the press release.

Mayor Tom Leighton did not return a message left on his cell phone seeking comment.

I heard this one on the police scanner, and the way I heard it there was a very brief foot chase. So I’m thinking he caught a break by not being charged with trying to elude the police.

I will say this, I’m amazed to read that the newspaper sought a comment of any sort from the mayor. Are we trying to over sensationalize a minor incident simply because a nativity scene was urinated on? One little tinkle and this becomes a major incident worthy of the mayor’s time? One wizz and the mayor needs to comment?

This part is all official sounding and whatnot. Sounds serious:

King’s College Public Relations Director John McAndrew issued an e-mailed statement on behalf of the college.

“King’s College, through the Dean of Students Office, reviews student behavior that takes place on and off campus. Such behavior that is described in the report not only is a criminal violation of the law but is an affront to the mission of King’s College and a violation of the Student Code of Conduct,” McAndrew wrote.

“Such behavior will be addressed swiftly by the Student Affairs Office in a manner that is fitting the seriousness of the offense to the College and Wilkes-Barre community,” the statement concluded.

So allow me to speculate. This kid is 22-years-old, so he’s probably in his junior or senior year. Most likely. So, if we go and blow this thing all out of proportion, will the college feel the need to bounce the kid, putting an abrupt end to his secondary education?

This is fun:

Wilkes-Barre Crime Watch Coalition President Charlotte Raup said she couldn’t believe the report of urination on the Nativity scene.

“Public drunkenness is one thing, but that’s just really sick,” Raup said.

Raup said public drunkenness is becoming an increasing problem downtown “because of all the bars.

“Our poor police, all they’re doing is responding to calls at all the downtown bars at night. It’s a shame. When you’re downtown all the time, the rest of the city is not being protected,” Raup said.

Ah, the neighborhoods are being ignored. I haven't heard that gambit in a while. Whatever.

It’s really sick? Why would that be, because an imported plastic replica of baby Jesus was peed on?

Cut me a freaking break!

The dirty little secret is (and there are plenty of Nord End residents that will confirm this) that just about every square foot of central Wilkes-Barre from Northampton Street to Butler Street has been pissed upon--repeatedly--by drunken Kings College students. They go in the bushes, they let it fly on the sidewalks, they’ve been known to squat in the parking lots and that’s a fact.
So let’s cool it with the feigned outrage.

College kids drink to excess on a regular basis. Same as it always was. And when they gotta go, they gotta go. Just like when we were dumb-assed youths stumbling through the early morning hours.

Last I checked, it was not a hate crime to pee on a plastic Jesus. To micturate on a manger is not an offense perpetuated against God , or anyone’s religious beliefs. Taking a leak in public does constitute unacceptable behavior, but should this kid be judged more harshly because a religious symbol was involved?

Piss on that!

We don’t need the mayor, the crime watchers, or anyone else for that matter. The kid did what he did, an observant police officer nabbed him, and now the kid has a big problem on his hands.

Put him on probation, put him on double-secret academic probation, make him pay a stiff fine and have him spend a prohibitive number of hours doing community service as punishment. But don’t put a sudden halt to his education. I fail to see how that addresses anything.

Drunk, stupid and peeing in public is one thing. So smarten him up by way of punishment, and further smarter him up by way of his continuing education.

What he’s truly guilty of is carrying on a time-honored tradition amongst Kings College students--peeing in the hedges or somewhere thereabouts. So let’s not single him out for daring to be creative whilst relieving himself.

Here in the Nord End, we’re well aware of Public Urination 101, and this kid was not the first to take the course while at Kings.

Sez me.

If you follow this link, The Green Atheist, you can not only read the pissing bandit's purported Facebook apology, but see his picture as well. You know, dartboard fodder for you religious types.

Later

“Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.”--Dean Wormer again