You can't make this stuff up (unless you're a Dem)

So, the Biden woke-offs have a plan to block the sun's rays based on mucking about with the clouds. Whatever happened to hitchhiking with Elon Musk? According to Zillow, there are wide swaths of Mars still available to evacuees from Earth.

This one rules. A retired Air Force major told congress that the U.S. has plenty of UFOs in it's possession. Apparently, decades worth of drive-in B-movies were right all along. Sure, the walls of the cave might have moved when the scientist sneezed, but there were alien invaders lurking all about.

Some will tell you that the folks at Lockheed and Boeing are reverse-engineers rather than the gifted engineers they truly were and are. You know the tired drill about Amerika being nothing special. All of that cutting edge technology just crash-landed in a field somewhere. We suck.

Despite the neurological limitations, I was back out there on the Susquehanna River as part of the 2023 Wyoming Valley Riverfest. Thanks to my health freak out, I had not paddled since 2015. But, as some of us firmly believe, the only limit to your ability is your imagination. So sez this damaged hammerhead.

Anyway, the 14-mile paddle really wasn't much of a challenge, although I was unsure of myself going in. You know, Mush on, man.

Every day, yet another Marxist myrmidon charges Donald Trump with yet another questionable crime. Apparently, they don't have enough testicular matter to hire a sniper. Perhaps, a leftist should break with the party dogma and keep (not grow) a pair of balls. Limp-wristed trans-testicles with Marxist misgivings should not be electioneering.

Speaking of Marxist f>cks, since when does our freedom of speech depend on an approval process? How is it that any government or corporate stooge thinks they can squelch anything we have to say about anything? Hearing me, Blogspot? Tyranny rules!

I learned yesterday that my grandson volunteers to help the challenger little league kids. I couldn't be prouder. Way to go, Ave.

Oh, and the climate watchers have a new scam they thunk up on their own. They claim that we've used so much of our aquifers, the Earth is now wobbling rather than rotating. I'm neither a hydrologist or a Democrat, so I'm not qualified to refute this seudo-gibberish. Thing is, I f>cking doubt it. If it's proven true, we need to commence with the heavy drinking.

You know, double-down on the wobbling.

Answer me this, Narcaniacs, do you really think Biden will seek reelection? How 'bout the Marxist Party comes to it's senses and orders him to stand down. President Michelle, here we come.

And how about charging someone with tampering with an election as a way of tampering with an election? Weaponized government agencies? Tyranny?

Later

Miscellany

My health care company informed me that if I were to drop my local pharmacy in favor of a big-box corporation posing as a pharmacy, I would then recieve my prescriptions free-of-charge. As a result, I have a new health care company. They can sell thier predatory preparations elsewhere. Or as Frank once said, "Take your meditations and your preparations and ram 'em up your snout."

How about a third class city that has no public pools but is currently building a skateboard park? Talk about screwed-up, bass-ackwards! Wrong!

This blogging thing seems to have a lot in commom with dinosaurs. Still I offer my dementia to both of my readers. Blogsnot (or whatever this ancient platform is called) recently informed me that it deleted a twelve-year-old post of mine for violating it's rules or terms or suchwhat, or if I may, it resorted to censorship. Such is life in our formerly great country. The easily-offended rule. But who gives a fu>k?

Anybody catch the Crazy Horse monument in South Dakota. A giant granite carving reminiscent of Mount Rushmore. Tell me, wasn't this character responsible for the untold deaths of American soldiers? Things have gotten so upside down, now we memoralize those who fought against us. Is it me?

When did movie previews become trailers? Who cares, according to the climatologists at the DNC, we'll all be wiped out soon enough.

Being that it's PRIDE time once again, I take pride in saying that I'm straight. You know, like, not mentally ill. Not one of those claiming to be one of the 77 genders invented of late. And what of topless mutations flopping all about at the White House? Apparently Joe Biden is not senile, he's insane!

Three days of scheduled paddling at Wyoming Valley Riverfest were rescheduled because the weather forecasters promised us days on end of monsoons, lightning and locusts. The three days in question were sunny and warm. Enough with the comedian being in charge of the oft-incorrect computer models. So much for the 'summer of the chicken.'

But hang in there, lab-grown meat is coming soon.

Is Jesus coming or not?

Is Jesus coming or not?

Methinks not.

While seemingly every bad actor on our flat Earth is banging a war drum, we have one political party relentlessly distancing itself from Trump while the other works tirelessly to destroy him. Essentially, at the moment we have no leadership at all. Oh goodie.

This one goes out to a friend from Harley Rock, Pa. (or some such 'burgh). Lewis Black says that Earth Day was established so that the drug-crazed youths at the time would have a yearly reminder of what planet they were on. Just so you know, you're still on Earth 'til Mad Vlad Putin goes totally bonkers.

I see the County Council has disclosed which of it's friends and relatives will recieve mucho, mucho Federal dollars to make waste of. Great. It seems they'll finally realize their dream of remodeling the long-dormant Irem Temple mosque...Something the hoi polloi does not give a flying fu>k about.

On a more positive note, Spring is springing up. Heart attack, stroke, yeah...I'm in the mood for some cycling. The retooled Hummer will be rolling within hours. Gotta get me a Go-Pro.

Is'nt it annoying how while businesses want your money, they do not want to be bothered by the likes of you. Go to the dot.com, do not dare call us. And if you do dare to call, get ready for some spanish, a prompt to make a payment, an endless electronic loop and little else. Just cough up your credit card number for auto-payments and go away. Such is the cuerrent state of business.

My first stepfather was as foul-mouthed and violent as one could possibly be. And that was while completely sober. What I witnessed as a child usually comes from the likes of Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Spellanator. I cannot recall how many times he knocked me unconscious. And he constantly browbeat me for not being manly enough...code for mean. I was laced-up and playing hockey on a frozen pond while in 1st grade. Yep, 1st grade. I absolutely loved hockey and quickly grew to love the ultra violence that came along with it. Before playing organized hockey, I mostly played with and against older and bigger kids since younger guys like myself could not skate.

And when I was in the 4th grade, my uncle convinced me that a kid used to such constant pummeling should never accept any guff (off of the ice) from anyone in my age group. In that moment his words clicked. Next came the boxing tutelage. So the physicality, the training, the fondness of a sport replete with violence and cheap shots, the environment I grew accustomed to and a gargantuan chip on my shoulder made me overbearingly aggressive and at times downright mean. Then came the huge growth spurt at 13.

Why am I the way I am?

I'll leave it to you.

Just stay out of the crease!

Vote-buying, WWIII and The Spiders from Mars

Vote-buying, WWIII and The Spiders From Mars (Ties together, no?)

I ripped the following from the Times Leader site:

HARRISBURG — Saying Pennsylvania is in the midst of a workforce crisis, Gov. Josh Shapiro said he will propose a three-year incentive of up to $2,500 a year for newly certified teachers, police officers and nurses when the Democrat unveils his budget plan on Tuesday.

The incentive is a tax credit designed to help address complaints from school boards, police departments and hospitals about the growing difficulty in filling critical positions in public safety, health and education, administration officials said.

Much like the fu>ktard in the white house did with his college debt relief scam, your state level fu>ktard is using the treasury to purchase votes. Why not propose tax credits for the severely shorthanded foodservice outfits.

Trust a former college-trained restauranteur and pest control professional, food sanitation is an enormously important public safety issue. So, eff off, myrmidon lightweights. But unlike those aforementioned groups, restaurant employees are not unionized, hence they have no union dues to be had by the dues-engorged democrats.

And what's with Biden proposing cuts to Medicare Advantage programs??? The Demmies have been repeating the decades-old lie wherein evil Repugs would kill both Medicare and Social Security. Turns out, the Dems are making the mistake of going to war with AARP. Even Putin might not take on such a mighty foe.

Might not matter as both Russia and China seem intent on starting WWIII. North Korea would surely prefer war over food. And Iran is finally poised to produce a nuclear weapon. And still they tell us not to drink heavily.

I figure with enough drinking and enough decibels driving Ziggy Stardust I might not notice the whole thing.

Enjoy.

Eagles demise and lubricated cucumbers

It's about time the Philthydumpia Eagles' defense is exposed. This is gonna be fun.

Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes can handle a five-man pass rush. Done.

No, I could not subject myself to the State of the Union farce wherein the Dumbo-in-Chief tells us how wonderful things are going thanks entirely to him. Ronald Reagan once said, "The more the plans fail, the more the planners plan." We're seeing that proven of late.

I spoke to an old friend last night. As we were getting caught up, he asked me if I still resided in Wilkes-Barre. I told him that I now live amongst the hills they call Plains. Figure that one. Nah, Wilkes-Barre has the same fatal flaws that nearly every urban center seems to be being destroyed by these days. Politicos that keep going on and on about THE supposed need (???) for more diversity when said diversity brings drugs, crime, violence and complete disdain for community, civility, or self-restraint. At this late date, we need diversity about as much as we need lubricated cucumbers.

Speaking of which, when your local politicos hold press conferences to slap themselves on the back for "creating jobs" when yet another new warehouse is coming to the nearby industrial park, they know full-well that none of us will ever land a job in said warehouses thanks to the Work Opportunity Tax Credit program that pays federal dollars to "incentivize workplace diversity." When I was managing restaurants, this sort of malarkey first appeared as the "Targeted Jobs Tax Credit" where the Feds would pay 40 percent of a new hires salary if that new hire came from a preferred group. If I hired you, I would be on the hook for your entire salary. But if I hired who the Feds wanted hired, I would be on the hook for 40 percent less. See lubricated cucumbers.

I took a pass on that infuriating sophistry.

I recently took a VHS tape to be transfered to disc. Oh, to Celebration DVD in Wyoming. The label said "Mark on ABC" so we figure that means WNEP-TV. I was on Bowling for Dollars in the late 70s, but this tape is of the late 80s variety. You got me, man.

With WNEP on the mental (patient) radar, send this one along to Joe Snedeker...Hoby, my stuffed bed bug.

Idiocy: Here, there, just about everywhere

Let's start with the idiocy that IS Russia.

They invade a neighboring country without justification. Yes, yet another one. When that country is supported by it's allies, the idiot untermensch threaten to escalate to nuclear war. So as the idiots see it, after they punch, you are not allowed to counterpunch. As the old yiddish phrase goes, funk them!!! Unterf>cks!!!

Name a neighboring country they have not yet invaded. Good luck with that one. I've invited you to fail.

Segue...

Luzerne County Council rejected a proposal for a home rule do-over in favor of amending the charter? And that would change what? Be they corrupt commissioners or inept council pretenders, nepotism and fiscal malfeasance rule the day. It's well past time for voting with your feet.

Enuf with that homespun version of idiocy. I'm getting agitated. A friend at the Times Leader warned me some time ago about writing when I'm angry. Great advice.

Look, I'm no Archimedes but our county "leaders" need to find the charts leading towards financial buoyancy and... stop hiring friends, relatives and lovers.

Keep voting that straight party ticket and expecting change. Keep shooting yourselves in the foot. Oh, and keep paying for your own idiotic ineptitude.

Outro...

We are Norvegians. Yes, V as in Norvegians. Look it up.

Later

Photo Flapdoodle (why the hell not?)

Mom always promised me it wasn't so.

Thirty-some days 'til March

Being that I'm now a senior type (according to the calendar) was I supposed to have matured my way past the Bazooka Joe addiction?

If so, I figure I need me one of those newfangled medications laced with side-effect powder.

Ain't been too interested in sharing my thoughts here of late. Been busy with adult concerns such as bicycles, scooters and slot car track. So, as my grandmother so loudly predicted so long ago, I'm still child-like after all these decades. Sure beats being like them there road-raging grownups.

Anyways, just idly sitting here and watching insanity passing as normality is entertaining beyond possibility. Around the globe, the bad actors have been acting out, with a few even pounding on the well-worn war drums. To worry about any of it brings on thought hematomas. Here at home, the Democrats are still claiming to have the solutions to the problems they perpetuate for a living. The Republicans have been exposed as being Satan's offspring. Social Darwinism runs amok. White people suck. And, yes, I invented the trapezoid. And anyone who says otherwise majored in Lincoln Logs.

By the way, for a nominal fee I will teach you how to calculate the square footage of any trapezoid. A vexing challenge that pops up way, way too often. You're welcome.

After much consideration, I really do want to meet my father now that I've found him. I mean, I've hoped for six decades. I want to meet him without flying 2,900 miles, that is. Amtrak can get me from Chicago to Portland, Oregon and relatively inexpensively. Problem is (get this) I'm on a fixed income. Gotta keep an eye on the spending. Makes Wifey very nervous. For a second or two, I considered GoFundMe but figured people would react very negatively to such an undertaking. You know, Give ME money. Still chewing on all of that.

If you're up for a serious road trip, gimme a buzz. You're driving. Since I suffered a seizure, Wifey does not want me driving.

So i'm kinda bored, but March is coming very, very soon. For me, March brings weather more favorable to cycling. The Hummer has undergone a serious reworking and I am ready to roll.

Buh-bye.

It's over!

Thank goodness this electioneering is all but behind us. I have not seen this many criminals proudly on display since taking in G.A.R. sporting events.

Speaking of that shuttered correctional facility used as a high school, now that our three high schools have merged into one my grandsons asked for my thoughts when I offered this: If a girl offers you drugs, she's from Meyers. If a girl offers you sex, she's from G.A.R. Nailed it!

This guy posted a picture of the demolition of the former WNEP building and it got us to giggling about my ill-fated appearance on Bowling for Dollars with Jay Kristopher.

See, before you got on set and rolled, you sat on toadstools in Hatchy Malatchy Land so he could scribble notes on a cue card about you before he shoved a microphone into your face on camera. Basic interview stuff like where you work, go to school, reside, etc. So we talked about cooking at Percy Brown's which he was very impressed with. Then we gabbed about attending L.C.C.C. As I'm seconds away from stepping out from behind a plywood barrier, my mind is rehearsing Percy Brown's, L.C.C.C., Wilkes-Barre. Done. So the stagehand slides the plywood out of the way, I step out and Jay leans in with "Who's going to win the Super Bowl?" Huh? What? Dude, what the f>ck? The actual bowling went even worse.

I recently sat with a candidate for state representative and her father. It was doubly fun for me since her dad and I bowled together in high school. True story: We participated in a statewide junior bowling tournament. Now, that's statewide, mind you. We rolled at the old YMCA in Williamsport. Nevermind the harrowing road trip in an 1837 Corvair. We rolled on a pair of lanes on which the second highest series of all time was recorded by Dave Wilcox, a former Professional Bowling Association member.

As soon as I released my first offering, I knew this was going to be a good night. I struck and struck and struck some more. It's been a while, but I believe I rolled a 709 series. Not bad for a 17-year-old. Pretty damn good if you happen to have rolled it in a junior bowling tournament. So anyway, months pass and it's all but forgotten until the awards day ceremony in the Coughlin auditorium. the presenter mentions our appearance at the tournament and announces that I finished 112th. 112th!!! Gee, that's impressive. Not!

When the assembly was over and I wandered away, I was still having trouble processing this. 111 junior bowlers threw higher than that!?! Really? So which is worse? Bowling for dollars or for trophies?

This was my first time voting as a resident of Plains, so I was visiting my new polling place for the very first time. And what I learned was that there six or seven identical versions of Medic 2.

Gotta check my fantasy team.

Effs for darn near everyone.

I just continue to sit here and watch while the end days play out.

The pathetic Dems have been trying to focus on Adolf Saddam Trump, even though he's no longer in office, because of Joe Biden's seemingly endless list of failures: his border crisis, exploding inflation, energy costs, food costs, his troubling attempts to push legalized murder (abortion) onto the nation, his massive spending on foolhardy climate change ideology, his disastrous Afghanistan pullout and on and on. Eff him. Not to mention his cackling, giggling vice whatever. Eff to her.

Even Hillary is out riding her tired broom again. Now she claims the "deplorables" are card-carrying nazis. Funny thing with her is how she was content with influence peddling when the democrats denied her 'her' presidency. But when the republicans did the very same thing she became a vitriolic, name-calling, spiteful witchipoo. Eff her!

And while average Americans are trying not to go financially tits-up, silly Joe tells us we're doing better than before he took office. And with a straight face, no less. With that noted, he hands out a presidential medal to Elton John. So he IS out of his fu>king mind. Proof positive.

You tell me, man. If we needed one face to attach to the phrase serial killer, could we do better than John Fetterman's? Methinks not. Eff off, pretty boy!

Russia wants to start calling Europe the European Theater after a nuke flies and a wider military conflict erupts. Figure that one. Meanwhile China is obviously spoiling for a fight in the Pacific. Eff them! They should stick to germ warfare, something they've proven they're good at.

Luckily, the NFL season is upon us, so we can spend our time not watching the streaming channels we refuse to pay for. Billionaires suck, because billionaires are never content with billions. And eff them, too!

Buh-bye.